How old do I look?

This piece is dedicated to Fez Avery, who wasn't sure if I was 25, 35, or 45.

How old do I look?
Not decades, just digits.
One? Well, that would be weird.
Surely I'm more mature than a ten-year-old.
So, two? That would be reasonable.
Most folks have ages in two digits.
If I said three, well,
you might start having questions
that weren't just about skincare.
Are you wondering about four yet?
Are you beginning to transcend,
"how old is she?"
Does it dawn on you:
what is she?
I'm not a vampire, of course not.
I love garlic and sunny days.
I served on an episcopal vestry
so crosses don't scare me either.
I only ask for entry to be polite.
How about five?
All of written history could fit
in a span of years in five digits.
By the time we hit six, why,
humans then were only anatomically modern
and I'm about to drop seven on you,
which still isn't right.
Eight digits ago, dinosaurs ruled the Earth.
Much, much more recently than that,
chimps and humans diverged, so
what sort of human could have walked eight digits ago?
How thoroughly are you puzzling now?
Maybe I'm a shapeshifter. A changeling.
Maybe I'm an alien, an outsider, or a machine.
Hold your horses, because we're not done yet.
Nine digits touches the Precambrian,
before most complex life on Earth.
The Appalachian mountains are nine digits old,
and they're older than fossils.
When I say ten I hope you're skeptical
because then we're talking about
the dawn of life on your world.
What sort of being could inhabit a human body
that predates abiogenesis?
Are you starting to grasp, mortal
that I might exceed your understanding?
That maybe not even eleven or twelve or thirteen
can honor the span of my existence?
That there is so, so much
that you will never comprehend
because it does not fit in your mind?
If I could fit
the universe-sized words of my native tongue
through an aperture as puny as my throat,
as your ears, as the neurons of your mind,
you would not survive the experience.

Just kidding.
It's two.
But, having heard what you've heard
are you sure you want to believe me?